Today is the final installment of 7 Secrets of the Healing Code.
Secret Secret #7: When the Heart and the Head Conflict, The Heart Always Wins
Most of the big fights my wife and I have had over the years were triggered by the old traumas from our past that were operating without our being aware of them. Whenever she seemed less attentive or was late coming home, it would trigger my fears of abandonment. When I’d get upset or angry with her, it would trigger her old fears living with a father who raged and a mother who withdrew.
But we usually weren’t aware of the deeper pain, or if we were, we never seemed to be able to turn off the old feelings. We thought we were fighting about the current incident. Our heads would tell us that we shouldn’t get upset about “this” or “that,” but our hearts were responding to a deeper truth.
Alex Loyd and his wife Tracey had similar experiences. “When the head and the heart conflict, the heart wins,” Loyd learned. “With Tracey and me, the unconscious pain memories started playing out in our marriage, so we blamed it on our current circumstances, but that’s not what was going on.”
Here’s the bottom line: The heart is programmed to protect. It is the number one job of the heart to protect you from having painful, possibly fatal things from happening and especially from happening again. The heart lives in the world of images and associations. It doesn’t realize that the legitimate fears I had as a 5 year old, don’t serve me as a 50 year-old. It is still programmed to cause a panic reaction to make the person who I’m dependent upon for love not to abandon me.
We think we should “outgrow” these dependency needs, to be able to take care of ourselves. But the truth is we have the same needs for safety, nurture, and support as adults that we had as children. Once we fall in love and connect with a partner, we are just as dependent on them for meeting our needs as a child is on their parents. This doesn’t mean we are “co-dependent” or “needy.” It just means we are human.
That is why we can’t talk ourselves out of our cellular memories, even with all kinds of talk therapy, behavior modification, or cognitive restructuring. When the head and heart conflict, the heart always wins because it is programmed to protect us from harm and keep us connected to our loved ones. And nothing is more important than that.
It does this by stimulating the body’s stress response. If the stress response kicks in when it shouldn’t kick in, it causes us to be afraid when we should not be afraid. If the head and heart conflict and the heart wins in a destructive way that affects our health or career or relationships, or keeps us from being at peace, it is because of fear in our hearts. We may not consciously feel the fear, but that is what’s being resonated in our cells.
How the Healing Codes Heal:
Stress is the source of all our ills. A Healing Code works by getting rid of stress at the source. Research from the Institute of HeartMath in California indicates that if the stress can be removed, healing can occur throughout our being, right down to our cells including our genes.
The discovery of The Healing Codes revealed the physical function that automatically activates that healing resource identified by the Institute of HeartMath. Using this resource, a Healing Code heals by changing the underlying destructive energy pattern, or frequency, of a destructive image to a healthy one.
There’s still much we have to learn about Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine. Research continues at centers throughout the U.S. and around the world.
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Jed Diamond, Ph.D. has been a health-care professional for the last 45 years. He is the author of 9 books, including Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, and Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome . He offers counseling to men, women, and couples in his office in California or by phone with people throughout the U.S. and around the world. To receive a Free E-book on Men’s Health and a free subscription to Jed’s e-newsletter go to http://facebook.com/menalivenow. If you enjoy my articles, please subscribe. I write to everyone who joins my team.
Watch for Part 7
Missed some of the installments? Here they are –