Do you struggle because you are a perfectionist? If so, you are not alone.
Question: I’m a graduate student struggling with the negative aspects that come along with perfectionism. I have a chronic illness which keeps me down a bit but the main issue is that I always feel like I have to do things “right” and I constantly rotate between anxiety, anger, and depression with regards to graduation. I’ve tried to use the healing codes (I’ve read the whole book twice!) but it just seems like this is something too deeply ingrained in my person and sometimes I don’t even know where to start healing…..
How do you heal something that seems so completely embedded into your personality? Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.
Answer by ET Costello (head of The Healing Codes Coaching Program):
You are talking about vibrations which should be ‘right up your alley.’
Let’s take the sound of a fingernail on a blackboard. I hope you aren’t so young that you don’t know that sound. 😉
Memories can be like persistent ‘fingernail on the blackboard’ vibrations which activate an unpleasant physical experience.
As you do the Code (reading about it is only to motivate people to do the Code. Reading serves no therapeutic purpose.), you are quieting the mind and relaxing. You would have specified what you want to heal in the Prayer/Request which I recommend you speak aloud. Then, gently focus on (feel, see, hear, know, or otherwise sense) the ideal condition of being flexible, relaxed, confident, quick to adjust as new information becomes available to you.
Perfectionism is a flawed approach to avoiding Rejection but the trouble is…
1. Human perfection doesn’t exist. It is subjective.
2. You will fail every time to be perfect. That will make you angry that the ‘deck is stacked against you’ and it is.
3. After failing every time and beating yourself up (a huge step in the direction of imperfection) you will feel hopeless and depression sets in.
I recommend another scale of measurement since Perfection isn’t a scale, only an imagined point.
I call it the Scale of Effectiveness because you and I are always trying to be more effective. We can succeed every time even if we make a ‘mistake’ which will be a sign of effectiveness if we recognize the result is less effective than we want.
Draw a horizontal line.
You will never be 0% or 100% effective. Usually we are in the range of 50% – 75%.
Even if you fell down as you tried to stand up, you are being effective:
1. you had a thought. That’s effective.
2. you decided on an action. That’s effective.
3. you took action. That’s effective.
4. you discovered a way not to stand up. That’s effective.
5. you are now more knowledgeable. That’s effective.
Someone projected a false rule onto you that to succeed/be happy/make them feel good about themselves, etc., you had to be perfect. You will be more successful and happier if you are fun, kind, thoughtful, genuine, persistent, and open to learning and growing.
Do the Code, quiet the mind, and see if you can get to a place with no thought so you can receive awareness. You will be very pleased with yourself.